I'm Doing Good... I'm Depressed I Think

Going into week two
I don't want to do anything
I want to do everything

All I want to do is sleep
I can't sleep
My sleep is broken by noise outside of me or the noises in my head

I heard someone
It was my children
Or it was a figment of my exhausted brain

I've no appetite
I'm starving
Cooking makes me feel fulfilled
Let's just order takeout

I want to create
Something beautiful
I don't want to do a damn thing
The page is blank

I need to exercise
But I can't bring myself to even move an inch
When awake I want to lie still
I try to sleep but my legs are restless to the point of actual pain

I feel nothing
Everything hurts
Kids need me for homework... dinner...
I can only bring myself to steal their hugs and kisses or hide in my room

I can't stop shaking
I startle easily
My heart races
As I sit still

I had so many appointments
I couldn't make it to a single one
Need to speak to my therapist
I don't feel like talking

There is so much I have to do
I can't bring myself to do a single thing...
It took me over an hour and
A fitful nap wrapped in heavy blankets to force myself to write these words.

I had a great week
I think I'm depressed... maybe... probably...

Yea. Definitely.

I think.