No Words Needed

The room, shrouded in darkness, could not hide him... his sorrow weighing upon him even as he slept. She crept in bed beside him, resting a leg across his lower back, her arm across his shoulders. She wondered if she should go do the myriad chores she had or should she stay... stay to silently guard his sleep, as though she could fend off his very demons. She dozed off wrapped around him, projecting peace as best she could...
                                   ~
Her nightgown is yanked down, his hot mouth sucking hard upon her nipple, then he's biting; the pain lancing thru her core like lightning. His fingers thrust between her thighs, finding her flesh warm and wet. After a few slick strokes, he plunges his fingers inside, rapidly, firmly, bringing her quickly... her high moans yelping into the dark. He kisses her fiercely, pinning her down. She understands what he needs, never questioning. Accepting. He quickly opens his pants while he sucks and bites her other breast, arcing her desire higher. Suddenly on his knees between her open thighs, pants gone, he thrusts his hardness inside. Thrusting firmly, repeatedly, they start the dance. He'll pin her hands down... she'll try to buck him off... He forces her legs wider... She scratches her nails down his back... He bites her breasts, ribs... She cums again and again and when she doesn't, he wraps his strong hands carefully around her throat, holds her head in place to take his savage kiss. They duel like this silently except for moans, sighs, animalistic sounds... never words. Finally, with the loudest yell she ever heard him make, he thrusts... one, two, three times as deep as he can go; pinning her body to the mattress as he spills hotly within her molten core, drenching her with his very essence. He collapses over her as she wraps her arms and legs tightly around him. After long moments, tho she knows she shouldn't, she can't help but whisper,  "Te amo" ever so softly in his ear. He raises his head, presses a finger firmly across her lips. As he shakes his head once, he kisses her cheek, releases her mouth then moves to the side to spoon her from behind; drawing her closer. She understands. She knew she shouldn't have spoken but... ah well.

After a time, he pulls her in tightly, kisses her neck gently and says,  "I love you" with a gentle rumble. She smiles, reaches a hand back to stroke his hair, his face. She turns her head and kisses him softly.

Slow Burn

A phantom touch,
A breathless kiss.
A heart's blood rush,
A light filled bliss.

An ache of need,
A swell of fire,
Dew starts to bead,
Passion crests ever higher.

A stroke of breath,
A sting of pain,
The little death,
No lie to feign.

A gasp in awe,
A lick of heat,
The limits rubbed raw,
A startled skipped beat.

A finger drawn line,
Body's contours' a map,
Succulence on which to dine,
A destined ringing slap.

A pulse, charged ice,
The graze of a bite,
Struck once, then twice,
Sensations blaze bright.

Lusts intoxicate,
A plush of lip,
A will to bait,
A thirst quenching sip.

A pull 'gainst restraint,
A choke upon trust,
Plump swells to paint,
Depths plundered, lengths thrust.

Limits pushed, and pushed again,
Boundaries all but erased.
Stroke of lash like stroke of pen,
Can mark deep yet fulfill but a taste.

Shattered

You've shattered me.

Touched me so deep
You reached into the core of me
and dipped into the murky depths of
my soul.

Swirling thickly, mixing my shades of dark and black and decidedly gray...
blending to light so bright,
Splintering nova,
A myriad sparks,
Each sliver, every shard,
Cutting me open like a million petaled blades.

My anguish, banked for so long,
is broken free to crash,
A force of nature 'gainst me, thru me,
In and out and around me,
Bursting thru my tortuously laid walls,
Leaving me shattered like so many stones tossed about the sea.

I've been broken but
when the pieces settle,
They click back into place,
Maybe not so tightly,
not so firmly bound,
But gently, peacefully.

I am safe.
You have not let me tumble blindly in my epiphany.
You've erased years;
I am re-embodied as my inner child.
Fluttering back and forth
between woman and girl.

In my agony, my ecstasy,
I am renewed.
Wrung out but not wasted,
Dropped from the precipice
but held ever aloft.

Confident, bewildered,
Strong and unsure,
shattered yet whole.

This pleasure, this pain,
feels more like Love
than almost any love
I've ever known.

Thank you...
     Thank you...
          Thank you...
               Thank you...
                    Thank you...
                                        

Kobiyashi Maru

Who do I protect?

I have too many to protect, including myself.

He's dragging me down, but I can't watch him die.

I can't keep the peace and keep everyone happy at the same time; it's just not possible.

How do I do this? Do I have to choose? And how can I live with the choice?

Can I save them all? Can I save even one? Can I even save myself?

What do I do?

I don't know what to do!!!

I'm surrounded by landmines...
I can't... take... even... a step...

Words

Words.... they are at once meaningful and meaningless. Words... defined not just by literal meaning but by intent and perception, tone and inflection. Words... they can hurt or heal, reveal or conceal. Words... they can deflect, reflect, dissect... Words... they can mean nothing, say nothing, impart nothing. Words... what are they but letters on a page, phrases cast  upon the wind. Words... are. Or not.

Breezy...

I Hurt

I hurt.
Pain in every conceivable way.
I hurt.
My brain, body, heart, soul feel about to explode.
I hurt.
Can't seem to stop the throbbing, pulsing..
I hurt.
I'm being overtaken, forsaken..
I hurt.
Can't help me, can't save you.
I hurt.
Is the pain halved or doubled when shared..?
I hurt.
Helpless, thoughtless, hopeless..
I hurt.
Fault, blame, guilt..
I hurt.
Where'd the pain start? Where will it end?
I hurt.
No one hurt anyone. Everyone hurt everyone.
I hurt.
You hurt.
They hurt.
Why hurt?
Bye, Hurt.
Hi.
I..
I Hurt. Still.

Bleed

I love him... but he bleeds
My soul is joined to his but now it's burning
That which was made to temper is instead being consumed to ash
He suffers, I suffer
But I do so gladly
I willingly sacrifice myself on his pain
Even though I know he'll be cutting up an already broken body, barely healed
Because when he is Joy, I am Joy
When he is Love, I bask in his dark light,
Ever blooming
I cannot watch him die, but neither can I walk away,
Not when his need is so great
Or perhaps it's just my own selfishness Thrusting me forward to hold him, keep him
Releasing him from his suffering means doubling my own...
And I'm not strong enough...
Not for that
My beloved bleeds
And I can only kneel and watch his blood seep through my fingers
He is lost
So I follow
With eyes wide shut
What else can I do?
We hold each others hearts...
And they're breaking.
Bleed for me, dear heart
And with undying love I shall fade...
Into the darkness we go, moonlight
Sinking gently in the cool bliss of the abyss
My love... is this.

Spirals...

Life spirals thru twists in Time,
With Chaos ever pulling toward the abyss...
But even the depths hold color...
In Passion...
In Faith...
In Pride...
And most deeply... Love...

Night Haiku

Shatter

Walking on egg shells,
Frost thin glass,
Words shatter moments,
Tensions raze emotional earth.

Numbness wars with passion,
Fashions rifts where ground was solid.

Rid us of doubts, rejections, pains,
Before love wains in the ether.

Let the singeing bring new growth,
Doubts, resentments, accusations, kill,
Like napalm, leaving nothing in its wake,
But emptiness and memories.

Please...don't shatter beneath my feet.

Maturity in Infancy

Can you possibly recall the day
That we stopped and stood up to say,
"We are much too old to play,
We must not behave in this childish way! "

And so we proceeded to mature.
We do not whine, we endure.
Our innocence has wandered, we have no cure.
And our moments of bliss are fewer and fewer.

But we are now adults this day,
And such has always been the way.
Our path is set, we cannot stray...
And yet, we do not feel as gay.

As gay as when we were a child,
When everyday we'd run so wild.
Our world a playroom; toys all piled.
And bouts of sadness were often mild.

And yet, are we happy...truly?
Would we rather be unruly,
Instead of behaving coldly, cruelly?
Or should we be teddies,warm and woolly?

This inner battle, this constant fight,
Adult and Child waging war with all their might.
We cannot tell which is wrong or right.
So we struggle... morning, noon and night.

Until one day the blindness fell,
The answer rang forth like the toll of a bell.
There are times when we can play and yell
And times to act maturely, as well.

The war is over, the fighting done.
A new way of life has begun.
We can sometimes walk and sometimes run,
But even as adults, we can still have fun!

My

My groove, my style,

My diva smile.

My flow, my art,

My poet's heart.

My vibe, my scene,

My inner queen.

My soul, my time,

My gift... My Rhyme.

Me

The words I write,
The things I say,
The way I live my life each day.

The body I move,
The emotions I feel,
The pains with which I've learned to deal.

The joys I share,
The ones I love,
The blessings showered from above.

The soul I feed,
The world I see,
The good, the bad, the woman... is Me.

Various Haiku...

Feeling at a loss
I gaze upon my child's face.
My soul is at peace.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

It's snowing outside.
Traffic will be terrible.
Maybe I'll stay home.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Lipstick on his neck.
The stain is pink, mine is red.
Lorena Bobbitt.

Jack

There was an ant;
His name was Jack.
He had many legs,
And he was small and black.

Jack could lift many things
Much heavier than he.
But he can't chirp like a cricket
Or buzz like a bee.

Deep in a hill,
Lived Jack and many others;
Sharing many tunnels
With all of his brothers.

Jack worked very hard,
From morning until noon.
He even worked,
By the light of the moon.

Though he hardly rested,
Jack never cried;
And he never complained,
Until the day he died.

Fourth of July

Today's a holiday!
It's just another day.

A time to eat, drink and play.
It's just another day.

People start singing "Oh-oh say..."
It's just another day.

I'd love to get away...
But it's just another day.

iVerse

I Verse, therefore I am...

Words flow, epiphanies blow
Outward from my mental universe...

A cataclysm of ideas
Shining
Like a supernova
Each sentence a lyrical dance
To entrance the listener
Or reader
As things stand..

My mind glowing like the light at the end of the tunnel
One made up of spinning pictures
Disguised as words,
Like birds twirling in a sunlit sky.

I rise
To lift my face to the sun,
The warmth of inspiration caressing my spoken face
A wealth of desired wanting
Of meaning
To be infused in my words,
Refuse to accept anything less
Than a perfect thought,
A literary photo
Captured
And spit upon the page or the audience to fend for itself...

Will it succeed in its
mission to cast its letters upon the fertile mind...
Or will they fall like pearls before swine,
To line the page like dust mites...
Eating away at the fiber of the mind,
No,
The soul,
Being an infiltrating force within the cerebral eye...

Will my verses carry weight or float away like chaff in the wind?
The sin would be not to give the wind it's chance at all,
That wind..
That wind is every mind, every heart, every soul,
Just ripe for the plumbing by verbal sabotage.

So I verse...
And I am.

Anger... Rage... Such Inadequate Words

I cast my rage upon this page,
I'm seething,
Insane with the darkest of pain,
The blackness like a cloak of hate, My exterior is cold stone,
Iron,
Beneath, my anger, like lava,
Burns.
I want to destroy so meticulously, Annihilate with calculating abandonment.
I don't want to fight,
I want to War .
I'm the merciless warrior
to your putrid whore.
I am lucid insanity,
The tidal wave before the crash,
I am smiling evil,
A white heart tainted with tendrils of black.
I am vengeance yet unleashed,
An aspiration to your decease,
I am the Nothing come alive,
The swirling pool of blight to dive.
I am not so much the blackened rose,
I am the Thorn.

I want only to make you bleed.

Bleed For Me.

Sleep

Another Sleepless night...

Am I doomed to repeat this mental existence...
moonlight illuminating my naked life,
my churning mind bubbling forth my fears and stresses behind my wasted eyes?

Will these cerebral bombardments ever stop,
or,
at least,
diminish in frequency?

Oh, to be able to sleep soundly,
quietly,
perhaps even dreamlessly...
Oh what a rest that would be!

To be alone in my head,
or rather,
to be nothing...
to think nothing...
to Feel nothing...
That would be to sleep.

For me, that would be the peace I need.
In this world, that's the least amount of peace I'd need...
And I could live with that....
well, survive anyway...

Ahh, just to Sleep...
perhaps, Not to dream...

Fake Happy

Broken Emeralds

Strangely beautiful. .. Destruction...broken...
Glittering emerald jewels in the sunlight...
Yet its center remains somewhat whole, intact,
it's pieces gradually radiating out from itself,
Satellites around its shattered core,
A vessel eternally empty.
It can hold nothing within it but its  memories of better times,
It can only lay and wait to continue to scatter in the void...and sparkle on its  way. ~Níca☆

Written by tongue. ..

(I didn't write this but I absolutely love the imagery...)

Enjoy...

Siren...

Siren...

Odd that the same word can warn you of danger...

Or lead you blissfully to your destruction...

Mistress of Metaphor

Emotions are a tidal wave,
Held at bay by a dam so numb.
Walls unbreachable,
That is,
Until,
The little death,
A hammer pounding with wrenching screams,
A break is wrought.
An ocean of tears crashes forth,
Pressure released.
A hand dipped in a soul iced over,
Swirling its seething depths below nerveless control.
Oh, agony of release,
A pressure tempered,
Fathoms delved and sifted towards the heart's shores.
Touching one's soul like a finger dipped in the oily recesses.
Ecstasy releases pain,
Begets feeling,
A burn ever raging.
When the screaming dies,
The quivers end their rippling,
The wall is sealing,
Patched over by responsibility and strength of will,
Soul's bondage is once again in play .

American Denial

Just watched "American Denial" on channel 21 about the American racist culture, about how tolerant we Think we are compared to how subconsciously racist we Actually are. How as much as we tout equality, we are actually setting up people of color to fail; where even children of color somehow already believe they are bad and will fail. And that this was discovered back in the 40's thru a major independent study that was instrumental in ending segregation and yet, things haven't really changed except on the surface. We want to be non-biased and uphold the ideals of equality but are intrinsically unable to truly be that unbiased. We don't want to admit, ever to ourselves, that we are prejudiced. We want the ideal so badly we can't even see that it's still a problem in every aspect of our society. At one time the government investigated the Jewish Problem, then it was the Negro Problem that spearheaded that study I mentioned before. That study said that it wasn't a black problem so much as a white problem with blacks. It was an American problem. If you segregate, suppress or stigmatize a race, a culture; then you force them to then either deny themselves or to embrace that stigma. (Did you know that segregation was determined to be psychologically damaging to the psyche of black Americans? It was totally unconstitutional.) This is our reality here in this country. The attitudes people wouldn't say to our faces are readily put on blast on social media. Not that it doesn't happen to our faces still because it definitely does. I don't want my children getting the message that they are bad or less worthy, that they will most likely end up in jail or on welfare, that they aren't as beautiful and smart and deserving as white children. The civil rights movement isn't over. It was not successful, not truly. This is not a color issue. This is an American problem. Watch this film and share it with others. It's shocking. It's important.

42 Pickup

It's my birthday. I'm not saying it to get attention or guilt anyone into sending reluctant birthday wishes. I don't even really celebrate birthdays. It's more of an epiphany.

For me, my birthday isn't something to celebrate but more of a place marker on my life. A time to stop and think over the past year, to look inward...reflect on where I am at this stage in my life.

In the past year I've found my heart again. I took a huge chance and  went back to school after 20+ years. Actually got a 3.8 GPA despite failing math (still the bane of my existence...sigh) ! I've learned to cry again, something I've had trouble doing for a long time. I've reconnected emotionally with my son and improved as a mom to him and my daughter. I've made some amazing friends, adding to my emotional family. I've rediscovered Art again; crocheting, making albums/cards/scrapbooks, writing my poetry again and sketching...even getting paints and canvas to teach myself how to paint. I've gotten so much unexpected help and encouragement from some amazing people and had wonderful opportunities open up. I've been truly blessed.

At 21(x's 2...lol) I'm finally finding my true self and accepting her...and I'm the happiest Me I've ever been!

I'm broke, raising special needs kids alone and still getting treatment for anxiety/panic disorder/depression but my life is rich with opportunity, accomplishment and love. What more can a girl ask for?! Happy birthday to me!