Sorry I'm so fucked up.
Sorry my feelings shut off at the most fucked up moments.
Sorry my feelings are overwhelming and fucking erratic the next.
Sorry you chose to stay and deal with my bullshit, my fucking husband's bullshit, my life of fucking bullshit.
Sorry I can't explain to you what I can't even fucking explain to my own damn self.
Sorry I can't think like you, fucking feel like you, believe like you.
Sorry I'm not ready for you yet.
Sorry I don't want to be responsible for your heart or anyone else's, when I'm not even fucking sure I want mine.
Sorry I haven't collected all the fucked up pieces of my heart, much less try gluing them the fuck back together.
Sorry that at times I feel dead inside.
Sorry I alternately feel like I'm burning alive and drowning at the same time.
Sorry I'm having trouble accepting that the most intense fucking emotions of my damned life have been snuffed out.
Sorry I can't take that leap of faith and love off that cliff, when I haven't even finished crawling out of my fucking black hole, much less climbed the damn cliff.
Sorry I am pissed while I write this.
Sorry I am numb while I write this.
Sorry I am crying as I write this.
Sorry I am confused as fuck half the fucking time.
Sorry I am writing 'fuck' so many fucking times...
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,fuck, FUCK!!!
Sorry sorry sorry sorry
Sorry as Fuck!!
Now fuck off so I can feel sorry for myself.
I don't feel a fucking thing.
I FEEL EVERYTHING....
FUCK.
Wrote this about a month ago. Don't let it scare you. I'm mostly OK. o.O
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